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STUPID JOKES

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Post by ϟ ɅȻԐ ϟ Sat Nov 28, 2009 6:31 pm

I was bored, so...I decided to post some jokes... STUPID JOKES 927634

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.






A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Am I awesome or what? XD
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Post by Wolvine Sat Nov 28, 2009 6:39 pm

xD

A blond walked into a store and asked the man, "How much for the TV?" The man said, "Sorry we don't serve blonds." So the blond left the store and dyed her hair black. She went back to the store and tried again. "Hpow much for that TV?" The man groaned and said. "Sorry we don't serve blonds." So the blond left and dyed her hair brunett, She wlaked intot he store. "Can i buy that TV!?" The man sighed and said. "I'm sorry but we don't serve blonds!" The blond, confused asked, "How did you know I was a blond?" The man laughed and said. "Thats not a TV! Its a microwave!"
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Post by LEN KAGAMINE Sun Nov 29, 2009 2:04 am

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


---


A blond walked into a store and asked the man, "How much for the TV?" The man said, "Sorry we don't serve blonds." So the blond left the store and dyed her hair black. She went back to the store and tried again. "Hpow much for that TV?" The man groaned and said. "Sorry we don't serve blonds." So the blond left and dyed her hair brunett, She wlaked intot he store. "Can i buy that TV!?" The man sighed and said. "I'm sorry but we don't serve blonds!" The blond, confused asked, "How did you know I was a blond?" The man laughed and said. "Thats not a TV! Its a microwave!"


Th... That's just insulting! *Punches Flint-senpai and Wolvine-san on the head, Sakura-Billboard-Brow style* (That punch kills...)

WE AREN'T THAT STUPID!

Someone on the other side of the Chat: "Speak for yourself..."

><
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Post by ϟ ɅȻԐ ϟ Sun Nov 29, 2009 3:24 pm

SOME blonds are the dumbest people ever...I didn't say ALL of them are stupid. :3
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Post by Riber~ Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:11 pm

Calm down Kyuubi. It's a joke.

>>
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Post by LEN KAGAMINE Sun Nov 29, 2009 6:16 pm

All Blonde Females take those jokes as an Insult... Even if one of my Blonde friends and I were up till midnight reading the most... Er... Stupid Blonde Jokes around... >< And, I am calm... It's just offensive... (even if I have blonde moments all the time... -.-")


Last edited by Unknown || Sasuke on Wed Dec 09, 2009 11:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Wolvine Sun Nov 29, 2009 7:08 pm

My sister ish blone. I'm blonde. We both laff at these jokes. My sis even has a shirt that says: I'm a natural blond, please speak slowly.
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Post by ~ Jetter ~ Sun Nov 29, 2009 7:16 pm

Yeah, I am a blonde as well, I just laugh at them.
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Post by Cheesles Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:50 am

my sister ish blonde. She is an example that the statement is true. Wolvine is a perfect example too. I has joke.

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:

Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

There are 4 girls in a space ship in wolvines head (space). A bruneete, a black head, a redhead and a blonde.
"I want to go to Mars!" Shouts the black head.
"No, Neptune!" Shouts the redhead. I want to visit the moon!" Suggested the brunnete.
"What about the sun?" Chirped the blonde.
"You idiot we can't go to the sun we'll all be fried!" Yells the brunnete.
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Post by LEN KAGAMINE Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:31 pm

Er... Bored... >< *pastes random things*

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period. (Get it? -.-")

---

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

(Well, 1+3=B! [13] :3)

---

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

---

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes". (<-- That's my answer! xD All the good ones were taken... ><)

---

Two bored casino dealers are standing by the craps table when a blond walks in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. She tells them, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when completely nude". So she takes off everything but her necklace and throws the dice saying, "Come on, come on momma needs a new pair of clothes". She starts yelling, "Yes, Yes, I won, I won!!!" She starts jumping up and down and hugs the two dealers. She then picks up her clothes and money and leaves. The two dealers stand there dumbfounded for a while. Then one dealer says, "What did she roll anyway?" The other says, "I don't know I thought you were watching"

The moral - not all blonds are dumb.

---

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.
The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The Brunette asks, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says...
"Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

---

A blonde,brunette and a redhead were all driving in the desert and their car broke down. so the brunette grabbed some food the redhead grabbed water and the blonde grabbed the car door. well the brunette and the blonde started talking and they were all redhead why did you grab water and she said so i could drink if i was thirsty and then the blonde adn the redhead started talking and they were all brunette why did you bring food? an she said so I could eat it if i get hungury and fianlly the redhead and the brunette started talking and they were all blonde why did you bring a car door and she said so I could roll down the window if i get hot!

---

Most of those make no sense... *kicks the site they're from*


Last edited by Unknown || Sasuke on Wed Dec 09, 2009 11:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Raintalon Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:36 pm

I love blonde jokes, even though i ish blonde.

A blond, a brunette, and a red head are all stranded on a island. They have nothing with them, just clothes. 2 miles away, there is a island with an airport and civilization and stuff.

So, after about 2 hours, the brunette decides to try and swim the 2 miles. She goes into the water, and swims for about 1/3 a mile, but gets tired and has to turn back.

The red head, decides to try to swim it too, so she swims for about 3/4 a mile, but gets tired and has to turn back.

Then, the blond dives into the water and swims 1 whole mile before getting tired. So, tired, she decided to swim 1 mile back.
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Post by Member Wed Dec 09, 2009 10:51 pm

.... I didn't read half these jokes, but I liked Flintsters. XD


And Kyubert, it's spelled offense and sense. There is no such word as "offence" and "sence". XD
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Post by LEN KAGAMINE Wed Dec 09, 2009 11:10 pm

Hey! I'm trying to type when I'm dazed! >< And, I always mispell those words... It never seems to work when I try... ^.^"
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Post by Cheesles Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:46 am

I know the bus one from kyuubert
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Post by DustClaw Sat Dec 12, 2009 4:24 am

Random joke

A blonde, A brunette, and a red head are going to be ezecuted by the army. The brunette says to the red head "When they get to 1 say a disaster is behind them. "Ok" she answered "What about the blonde?" "She'll catch on" the brunette answered.

The army pointed their guns, the commander said 3,2,1 then the brunette yelled "Hurricane!" and pointed behind the army. When they turned,she ran away.

They looked back. "Ok men" the ommander said 3,2,1 the red head yelled "earthquake!" when the army turned she ran away.'

The blonde knew what they were doing now. The commander then said "Ok" 3,2,1 then the blonde yelled "FIRE!" *idiot* (Get it anyone?)
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Post by Wolvine Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:49 am

Yuh Issa old one. And normally it tis with Irish no? IDk

Q. Whats black and white black and white and black and white?
A. A nun rolling down a hill
Q. Whats black and white and goes haha?
A. The nun who pushed her

Q. What do elephants play in the back of a mini?
A. Squash
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Post by Cheesles Sat Dec 12, 2009 7:18 am

I thought the 'FIRE' idea was a good one and then I thought about it.
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Post by Wolvine Sat Dec 12, 2009 7:25 am

You thought? O.o *Takes badge away* You are no longer a member of the thougtless club and you loose ranking in the Cheese lovers club. xD
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Post by Cheesles Sat Dec 12, 2009 7:37 am

No I is leader of the cheese lovers club
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Post by Wolvine Sat Dec 12, 2009 7:40 am

Eh no you forgots I made the corn the cheese the pie the fudge and the cake. Rememer the question was the square root of pie one? Now your are no longer high commander fo all things cheesy, but super commander.
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